that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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