Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
