She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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