sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
