she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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