I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
