Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
