He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
