It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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