Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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