I heard we made out
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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