ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have started to decorate penises.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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