a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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