my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
