I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
