she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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