508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
