Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize