I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
