fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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