There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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