Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
