i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
