Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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