she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize