so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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