Please, let me fuck your mom
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
