The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
