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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Successful day.

  Fav 26 4659 1585

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

  Fav 45 6384 2277

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts

  Fav 15 4103 1356

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

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• (530): View more from California

  Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it

  Fav 5 1947 785

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.

  Fav 11 1390 682

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room

  Fav 1 42 6

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  What did I get you?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sounds about right

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?

  Fav 0 11 24

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020

  Fav 0 89 12

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