i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
