my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
