i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it hurts more in the daytime
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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