I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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