I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
