Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
