Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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