I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
