I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize