I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
