what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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