Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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