Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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