she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
