you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
