I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
