Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
