I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
