You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
