Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
