That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
