Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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