Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
