I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.