If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.