You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
