also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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