wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
