I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
PANTIES FOUND
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