So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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