Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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